Parenting 101
by Stephycats7785
Summary: Chuck and Blair are partnered together in a home living class during freshman year and there first assignment is to take care of a robot baby. Can the unlikely pair get and A  or is Blair destined to get her first C in history? No longer a one-shot!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Parenting 101**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: Chuck/Blair**

**Summary: Chuck and Blair are partnered together in a home living class during freshman year and there first assignment is to take care of a robot baby. Can the unlikely pair get and A+ or is Blair destined to get her first C in a class? This takes place before the show started.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Gossip Girl!**

Chuck Bass could feel a headache coming on as he listened to the screaming robot baby that had been given to him and Blair. Everyone else in the class seemed to have gotten ones which did not make so much as a peep and yet he had somehow been given the one that would not shut up no matter what they tried. He had known he should've just bailed on this class and not caved to his best friend's girlfriend's wishes. This plastic baby only reinforced his theory as to why having children was a bad idea. It also helped to remind him why he would never have children.

"Take the batteries out already so it will shut up." He groaned rubbing his temples as he watched Blair Waldorf pace and back and forth as she tried to calm the _thing _down. All this screaming was making his hangover from the previous night's activities worse. "This is what you women really want, a squirming screaming miniature human being? If I were a female the only thing a baby would make want to do would be to get my tubes tied or have a hysterectomy."

Blair rolled her eyes as she took the bottle with a censor to indicate when the fake child would feed and placed it to the mouth. "If you were a women I have no doubt you would be a lesbian because you love women too much to ever be interested in a man. You wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant. Stop complaining and give me some ideas besides cheating to pass the class. Unlike you I actually want to get an A the right way. So step up and play baby daddy already."

"If you want an A then you handle little Blair." He told her as the bell rang and he grabbed his bag. They both headed out of the building since it was the last class of the day and now they were free for the rest of the day and weekend. "I could care less if I pass or not. I am only taking the class as a favor to you for getting rid of that delectable little blonde the other day that refused to leave my suite. I showed up and I consider that fulfilling my end of the bargain."

As they approached his limo Chuck was surprised when she grabbed the back of his jacket and yanked him back a few steps. The look on her face was one of rage and annoyance. The billionaire playboy had seen that look plenty of times when she directed it to people who got on her bad side. "You are _not _leaving me alone for a whole weekend with baby Waldorf-Bass. You have responsibility as a father to stick around and help me out. I am _not _going to be forced to raise this baby alone. Don't make me go over your head and call Bart. I am sure he would not be pleased to learn his son his trying to weasel his way of his responsibility."

"You do realize that the thing you are holding isn't actually a real child right?" He smirked and shook his head at her outraged behavior. "I think I would remember creating a baby and if it was with you I know _nothing _would be able to erase that memory."

"Stop being gross and start doing your part." Blair hissed holding the doll out for him to take. "Also I doubt you would remember creating a child with anyone since you are hardly ever sober. This should be good practice for you and trust me when I say that you will need it because there is no doubt in my mind you probably have a baby Bass or two out there already."

Chuck scowled and grabbed the baby doll by the foot holding it upside down before shaking it when it continued to cry. "I command you to stop crying this instant. No child of Chuck Bass would ever cry and show such weakness. Blair I think you must have been having an affair because this thing is not mine. Are you sure that this child doesn't belong to Nathaniel?"

"Very funny Bass, but not enough to make me take on all the responsibility by myself." She told him while taking the baby from him flipping it around before setting it in his arms and positioning him so that he was supporting the head properly. "Now gently rock it back and forth. It would not hurt to talk in soft tones either. It is what I see all the parents in Central Park doing and that seems to work."

"What do you expect me to say to the thing?" He questioned while rocking it back and forth. To his surprise it actually started to quiet down. "I suppose I could tell it all about the party last night. You see baby Waldorf-Bass, I met this natural redhead and do you want to know how I knew she was a natural redhead? Well you see-"

Blair quickly covered the robot's ears before Chuck could say more. "Stop trying to corrupt our child!"

A chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head. "I will say this again, you do remember it isn't real right?"

The only daughter of Eleanor Waldorf did not respond right away. She simple chose to glare in his direction until silence filled the air. It had finally stopped screaming and he went to hand it back to her, but it started to cry again and so he did the rocking technique again and it shut up once more. "Who would have thought you actually had a parental bone in your body?"

"No one is more shocked by this revelation than I am." Chuck admitted leaning up against the door of his limo. "Maybe everything Bart is lacking has passed on to me."

For a second Blair looked sympathetic before sadness filled her big brown eyes. "Apparently everything in Eleanor has passed on to me. I am a horrible mother. Even a robot can tell I have no motherly instinct."

"You are going to make a great mother." He told her absolutely sure of his statement. Blair Waldorf was one of the most caring people he had ever met and he knew for a fact one day she would be a wonderful mother to her children. Hating the fact she was so sad he let out an overly dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. It looked as if his plans for the weekend had a taken a sudden turn and in a direction he never would have thought of. "How about you come back to my suite and we can have a _family _evening. I know Nathaniel has Lacrosse practice and then plans to go visit his grandfather for the weekend. We can rent Hepburn movies, room service, and I promise to be on my upmost best behavior. I also promise not to take the batteries out. It will be like playing house and while I usually prefer to play doctor I am sure the evening won't be a _complete _and _total _loss. I will even send some to pick up some Macaroons since I happen to know they are your favorite."

"I suppose I can clear my schedule." Blair let out a bright smile as she opened the limo door for him since had his hands full at the moment. "Lead the way daddy Bass and if you drop her I am going to make sure you have to go to a doctor and I can guarantee it won't be a pleasant visit for you."

Chuck grinned at her as he slid in to the limo. "I love it when you talk about violence. It is such a turn on princess."

The End!

**AN: I have absolutely no idea where this came from. It just sort of popped in to my head and I couldn't fall asleep until I wrote it. I hope that you all like it and I am sorry it is not better, but I was tired and wanted to get it out. I thought it was cute even if not my best work.**

**Please R&R like always!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Gossip Girl!**

**AN: People wanted to see this story extended and so I decided that I would. I am not sure how long it is going to be probably only a couple of chapters showing what happens during the weekend the week they have to take care of the robot child. I hope that you are all happy I decided to expand this because originally I was not going to, but I feel that I should because it had potential and the fact Gossip Girl is breaking my Chair loving heart right now. Don't get me wrong because Dair can have its moments, but I am a Chair fan all the way and I have been from the start.**

Chuck had to admit that after spending an hour in his suite with Blair and the robot love child he now understood the hell parents went through. Every five minutes it seemed like the thing as he had decided to call it to annoy Blair since everyone knew he lived to annoy his best friend's girlfriend, had to be changed, fed, or rocked to sleep. Just when he thought they may get a moment's peace it would start crying yet again and the cycle would start all over from the beginning. The billionaire playboy didn't think he would survive another second let alone an entire weekend and the week of school he had to suffer playing daddy to a bunch of plastic and wires which had the ability to cry and scream like a banshee.

"Oh hush now Audrey please." Blair begged as she paced back and forth in front of Chuck obstructing his view of the television much to his annoyance. "I'll buy you a pony if you stop crying."

"Did you just call it Audrey?" Chuck questioned with a smirk of amusement.

Of course Blair Waldorf would call a daughter Audrey. He wasn't even sure why he had felt the need to ask because being the biggest Audrey Hepburn fan alive in this century Blair would never use any other name. He had a bet with Nathaniel that their first three children would all be girls named Audrey one, two, and three. Either that or she would name after characters Audrey had played in movies which was basically the same thing in his mind.

The brunette did not bother looking at him as she continued to pace back and forth while patting the doll on the back. "Well since you weren't throwing ideas out there I had to choose something didn't I? We couldn't keep calling her it now could we?"

Raising his eyebrow he shook his head at her antics. She took school assignments much too seriously in his opinion. She needed to lighten or else she would never learn to enjoy the little things in life. No wonder Nate was hesitant to sleep with her. Who would want to sleep with someone who would make their first time seem like some sort of test she needed to pass? "Why are so insistent on _it _being a girl? Since _I _am the father I demand it be a boy. I would never have a daughter. Girls are much too whiny for my tastes."

"Oh like boys are so much better." She shot back sitting down next to him on the couch and grabbing the remote with her free hand quickly clicking the television off. "I would hate to be the woman who would have to carry your spawn especially if it were a boy."

"Is that your way of telling me you would never have my children?" Chuck teased taking the doll from her when it continued to cry. "I would say I am crushed, but since I don't plan to have child it doesn't bother me so much. If this thing doesn't stop crying I swear I am going to throw it out the window. A three story drop is sure to shut it up I'm sure."

Blair scowled and quickly scooped the fake child from his arms. "If you dare try anything like that Bass I will report you for child abuse. Don't you know the way to get a child to do as you wish is not by threats? You need to show it that you love it and give it what it needs."

"Threats seemed to work pretty well with Bart." He argued crossing his arms over his chest. He was irritated she had claimed this weekend to be an alcohol and smoke free one as long as she was there. He had tried telling her that it would be more bearable for him if he could do this in a state which was anything other than sober, but she had refused to listen. "Well they worked until I was old enough to realize he wouldn't actually go through with them and for the record if you ever did try to get me for child abuse I would just bribe them to wipe it off my record. When are you going to learn you can't beat a Bass, Waldorf?"

Ignoring everything he had just said Blair tried to think of something that would make the fake child relax and hopefully fall asleep. "I think we should sing to her. My dad used to sing to me when I was little and would throw a fit."

"I'm surprised he did not pursue a career as a singer with all the practice he must have gotten." The teenage playboy grinned before he scowled in disgust at the thought of having to do anything work related for this project and that included singing. "I'm not sure you would want me to sing. The only songs I know fit for a child are dirty nursery poems. Can't we just hire a nanny or use Dorota? This is supposed to prepare us for real life and in real life we would hire a nanny to do all the hard work for us."

"In real life I would never touch you and so we wouldn't have to worry about ever having a baby together." She stated before letting out a sigh of frustration. "Well _I _am not going to sing because you will use it as blackmail. I know you better than I think you realize Bass."

"Fine, give _it_ to me." He grumbled taking the doll and holding the way Blair had instructed. He cleared his throat once before getting ready to sing. "Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck, she put them on the table to see if they would-"

A slap to the side of his head cut him off from finishing the song. He turned his head an inch to the left to see Blair looking as if she wanted to strangle him. "I told you no dirty nursery poems you pervert! What did I tell you about corrupting our child?"

"Not to do it." Chuck told her with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why do you think I did it in the first place Waldorf?"

TBC…

**AN: So I hope that you all liked this chapter and if you have something you would like to see then let me know. I thought it turned out alright considering I still feel like crap and am ordered on bed rest for at least another week.**

**Please R&R like always!**


	3. IMPORTANT AN

**IMPORTANT AN: I was recently informed that this story was really similar to someone else's on a different site. I have never read that story so I cannot tell you if they are exactly the same, but I wanted to make it clear that I never intended to steal anyone's ideas. This idea came to me while I was listening to music. I will continue with this story and finish it the way I had planned. Remember this is a pre-series story and from what I learned about the other one it was not a pre-series story so that is a big difference. Also in my story Blair and Chuck are not and have not been together yet. I wrote to the author of the other story and I really hope this clears it up a bit.**


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